Warmth

His annual leave was confirmed and he had set his mind on going somewhere warm.

The year had been a particularly cold one. He’d spent a number of evenings on the Net, checking out the available flights and accommodation packages. Asia looked good. In fact, he had already decided to spend a week at a particular beach resort. He made notes about the chosen package. The timing was good because he had a work-free day coming up and he could go into town and get it booked. He could probably pick up a brochure at the same time. There were any number of travel agencies in town, but a few weeks back he’d found a glossy leaflet in his junk mail and held on to it. The Ersatz Travel Agency sounded very professional and they had a fifteen-percent-off deal for anyone producing the flyer.

On the day, he got into town early. It was very cold. On his way to the address given, he was thinking about being somewhere warm. As it happened, when he got there, he found the agency literally opening up as he peered through the window. A very nice lady let him in. She looked very smart in her professional uniform. She pointed to a chair in the reception area. “Please take a seat,” she said, before going behind the counter. “I won’t be a moment,” she said, and spent a minute or two setting up her computer before looking up.

She said, “Thank you, sir, for your patience. How can we help you today?”

Getting up, he said, “No problem. I’m here to make a booking…” He took out the leaflet. “I have one of these.”

She took it. “Ah! Very good. A young man will be with you shortly. Please wait there a moment.” She opened a side door and disappeared.

He was dreaming about being somewhere warm again, when he heard the front door open and watched as a number of customers trickled in. They all queued up along the counter.

A couple more, uncomfortable minutes passed, before a young man, rather scruffily dressed, took his place behind the counter.

“What did you want? he began.

Taken aback by the man’s attitude, he said, “Well, as I told the lady, I’d like to make a booking.”

“What sort of booking?”

Frowning, he said, “Em, a travel booking, of course.”

“Of course,” the man repeated. “You’ve probably got something in mind, I suppose.”

“I have, yes.” He started to think about being somewhere warm yet again, as he handed over his notes.”

Reading through it, the young man sniggered. Looking up, he said, “We can’t book this.”

Feeling the anger rising, he said, “Whyever not?”

“Just don’t like the look of it.”

At this, the other looked around, trying to ignore the queue. “There must be someone else I can talk to.”

“No mate. I’m it… and you don’t have to be rude!”

“Me? Rude? I think your behaviour is disgusting. I’ve a good mind to report you!”

The other scoffed, then, raising his voice, he said, “Look here. I’m trying to help you. You’ve been nothing but trouble since you got here!”

“Listen! How dare you talk to me like that?”

At this point, the side door suddenly swung open and the lady came out. She said, “OK. That’ll do,” in a remarkably calm voice. With a grin, the young man went through and closed it behind him.

Completely confused by all that was happening, the man who had simply wanted to make a booking, looked with a pleading expression as she took her place behind the counter.

“I just wanted to make a booking,” he murmured.

She nodded slowly. “Yes, well, you need to go to a travel agency for that.”

He stepped back and looked around. “This is a travel agency!” he said.

“No, it isn’t,” she said.

“Yes, it is,” he said. “I saw you switch your computer on. You can book anything you want.”

“Oh! That? No that’s just me logging in to my latest word game.” She put her head to one side. “No, sir,” she said, politely. “This is a Customer Support Training facility.”

“A what?”

“A training facility. It’s the very latest idea. It’s a government funded program designed to train customer support workers when handling rude customers.”

Gobsmacked by the notion, he just stood for a moment, trying hard to take it all in. He felt lost for words. He realised that the idea of being somewhere warm was the only thing that kept him going.

Smiling at the people queuing, she waved her hand and they all trouped out.

“That was stage one,” she said.

“But…” he began, “the Ersatz Travel Agency?”

“Yes. Clever that, really,” she said with a smile. “Ersatz; a German word for something fake or substituted.”

He looked around again. “But… you can’t possibly get away with this! I mean, it has to be illegal to con people into coming here.”

“No. I assure you; the legal people gave the program the green light. There’s no chance of anyone suing.”

“But, your customers… your fake customers, they’re going to get very angry when they find out they’ve been hoodwinked by you people.”

She nodded in agreement. “This is stage two.” She put her palms up.

“Angry, yes, and rude; very rude some of them. That’s the whole point, d’you see? That’s what it’s all about. It’s what we do here. It has to be as realistic as possible. It’s all in the very nature of it; for the training, I mean.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “I suppose so, but I’m extremely annoyed about the whole thing.”

She smiled at him, knowingly. “I know you are, but not very rude.”

“I’m not?”

“No. In fact, I think you qualify for one of these.” She reached under the counter and handed him a slip of paper.

“What’s this?”

“A free lunch voucher, valid in the food hall at the local shopping centre.”

He took it with a nod.

She said, “The Minister for Training is normally here to hand these out, but he’s away on holiday this week; somewhere in Asia, I think.”

On his way out into the street, he felt a blast of cold air. Once more, he began thinking about being somewhere warm.