Tariffs

Living on her own, the woman was naturally nervous about local news items concerning prowlers.

The neighbourhood had been prone to this sort of thing for a number of weeks. As a consequence of this, she had locked the house up and gone around checking that all the windows were secured. With the room’s lighting dimmed, through net curtains, she had a clear view of the street from her upper-floor lounge. It was all quiet and she had sat reading a magazine when she heard noises. The clock told her it was only eight-fifteen. Dimming the ceiling light even more, she moved closer to the window. Living in a cul-de-sac, traffic was always minimal and right now the street was empty.

Returning to her reading, she tried to put thoughts of prowlers out of her mind. This didn’t last long. After just a short couple of minutes, she heard it again, this time louder. It was like something being moved or dragged along the ground, at the back of the house. It was at this point, that she took the advice given. Advice that followed each of these news reports. Without hesitation she dialled the publicised emergency number.

She heard a click. “Hallo.”

“Good evening, what service do you require?”

“Hallo. I’m using the number given for Prowler Watch.”

“Thank you. Are you the registered owner of the phone you are using?”

“Yes, but this is…”

“One moment, please.”

Tapping at a keyboard could be heard while she waited.

“I see that you are not fully up-to-date with the latest tariff for this service.”

“I’m not?”

“No. You seem to have missed last month’s fifteen percent tariff increase for this service.”

She jumped at a sudden scraping noise that seemed to be coming from the back window.

She whispered, “I’m sure somebody is trying to get in, through the back window, can you send…”

“Madam, you don’t seem to understand. No action can be taken until the matter of the tariff is settled. Can you arrange payment?”

Then came the definite sound of breaking glass.

“No. It’s you that obviously don’t understand! Can I arrange payment? I’ve just heard glass breaking from my back window. I’m telling you that I have an intruder currently getting into my home. For heaven’s sake, woman, send someone as quickly as you can.”

A short pause. “Hello? Are you still there?”

“My hands are tied.”

“What!”

“My hands are tied. In cases like this, there’s nothing I can do.”

At that moment, a man came through the door, waving a gun.

At the top of her voice, she shouted, “He’s got a gun!” into the phone.

The woman was saying, “It’s all about the tariffs, you see; it’s very frustrating for us… Hang on, he’s got a what?”

There was a loud bang.

The woman asked, “Hallo. What was that? Hallo!”

A long pause.

Click.

18 thoughts on “Tariffs”

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