Algorithms

He took his new girlfriend to see the latest film, followed by meal at a restaurant.

He really enjoyed the date. She, like him, was in her early twenties and was definitely attractive. Previously, they had only known each other by sight. They worked at the same company, but their paths seldom crossed. She worked in Finance as secretary to the manager, while he was part of the team in the IT Department, using algorithms to transform data input, into processed data output, as part of his work. Although he was passionate about this aspect of his job, he tried not to bore her with too much talk of this. He soon saw that she had a very nice and surprisingly relaxed personality. All in all, the evening had gone well.

When he got home, he went straight to his computer. Outside of work, his main interest was the study of how the latest advances being made in statistical analysis, applied to this. He found that he could apply it to anything and everything. These activities were like a private hobby; one that he kept to himself.

This included a program he’d created for assessing members of the opposite sex. Over time, he had come up with fifteen qualities that he regarded as being necessary to measure. He opened his review table with its listed attributes. Each one required him to give a rating from zero to ten.

He had used presentation, punctuality, communication, maturity, humour, fitness, openness, respectfulness, honesty, affection, kindness, loyalty, empathy, values and interests, as critical aspects to measure. Each of these had his own personal ‘pass’ and ‘fail’ ratings already embedded within a complex algorithm. This contained an ordered set of instructions that had been developed to convert and measure all of his descriptive statistic’s values to give a definitive result. He had used this with all previous girlfriends; it served to give him an overall picture of their suitability.

He thought about her again. Despite being quite sure that she would exceed all of his personal criteria, he would see just how well she would rate. He spent several minutes entering his individual evaluations. When he had completed the digital assessment table, he clicked on the button marked ‘Result’.

He was shocked to see the word ‘FAIL’ appear in the centre of his screen.

With a deep sigh, he closed the computer.

Shaking his head, he whispered to himself, “What a shame. Still, you can’t argue with algorithms.”

20 thoughts on “Algorithms”

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