Episode

He was glad when his neighbour called in; he needed someone to talk to.

He was still shaken when they sat down.

“Are you OK? You don’t look too good,” asked the friend from across the street.

The man shook his head. “No, still getting over it, I suppose.”

The neighbour looked around, and said, “What’s happened?”

The other took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It happened last night,” he began, “I’d just settled down to watch the final part of a forty-episode series I’ve been watching, when I heard this peculiar humming noise coming from the back. Naturally, I got up and put the back light on. There was this saucer, smack in the middle of the back lawn.”

“Wow!”

“I know, it was quite a shock I can tell you. It wasn’t very big, but it filled the lawn. Anyway, after just standing, gawping at it for a couple of minutes, there was a hissing sound and a side panel that seemed to be hinged at the bottom, flapped open and dropped, forming a ramp. Moments later, this blue thing appeared.” He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. “It came down the ramp and stood looking at me.” He massaged his face for a moment and went on. “It was pretty ugly, I suppose. It was half the size of a human, with extremely thin arms and legs. Its head and backside were huge compared with the rest of it. It was blue, like I said, from head to toe, and naked, except for a skimpy, blue loincloth.”

“Hell! What did it do?”

“It began flapping its arms around and pointing at the saucer, I could see it was in trouble. It pointed to the tool shed and we went in. It stood there making a sawing motion with its skinny arm. I opened the cupboard and took out a hacksaw. Its head nodded immediately. It took it with spindly fingers and went forward peering into the cupboard. Well, after a couple of minutes it had selected half a dozen tools it seemed to need. It had dropped them on the floor, so I grabbed the empty toolbox I use for taking stuff out on jobs, put the tools in and held it out. I was really surprised when it took it without any problem and promptly marched back to the ship with it. It was obviously a lot stronger than it looked. Anyway, it went up the ramp and disappeared inside.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing really, I just stood waiting for a few minutes.”

“Wow! You were probably in shock.”

“I suppose I was, but I had a bigger shock coming.”

“Go on.”

“After a bit, it came back out and began waving its little arms about, as though it was doing some sort of semaphore. I didn’t know what to do so I just gave it the thumbs up. Its head just went to one side, so I waved.”

The neighbour nodded. “Best thing, I suppose. What happened then?”

“Well, as it turned to leave, I suddenly remembered and called out, ‘What about my toolbox?’ At that point it stopped, leant forward with its hands on its knees, wobbled its huge rear end and passed wind! I was shocked, I can tell you. With that, it ran up the ramp, giggling. I think it was giggling…”

“And?”

“And? Nothing. The door slammed and the ship shot straight up at enormous speed, like a rat up a drainpipe!”