Tome

He was a stranger in town, just killing time, wandering around looking in shop windows.

Off the main precinct, he came across an old bookshop that seemed to specialise in antique volumes. He’d always been fond of looking at really old books. He loved the smell and feel of them. He entered only to find no one behind the counter. Regardless, he started to stroll through the racks that went almost to the ceiling. He was amazed at the number of books the little shop held. At the end of the row, and at the very back of the shop, he came across a cabinet with a small sign that asked customers to take care when handling them as they were extremely old and quite fragile.

Naturally, he was excited to find what he regarded to be a treasure trove. He began reading the titles when he saw a leather-bound tome with an extraordinarily long title. It ran along sideways the complete length of the spine in tiny gold embossed lettering. He took it out carefully in order to read it. The title read: For the Eyes of the Few: the First Step towards a Proper Understanding of the True Reason that the Universe Exists.

What a fascinating title, he thought, as he turned it over. On the back he found that it had a blurb. This was unusual for such an old book. As he started to read it, he found it to be more of a caution than anything. It was laying down strict rules about who was permitted to read it. It stated that it was only recommended for those individuals that were fully qualified professional environmentalists who had played the cello in concerts that had been performed in at least three countries, out of work Pet Food Tasters with a working knowledge of Magnetic Resonance Imaging machines, and Professional Bridesmaids with a university degree in Dairy Herd Management. In bold print beneath, it read: These recommendations need to be strictly adhered to.

He shook his head with a chuckle and opened the book. He began to read the words: ‘In the beginning…’ at which point the book fell to the floor.

Later, when he closed up, the unsuspecting shop owner was disappointed that he had not had a single customer all day.