Author: Alexander Fawn

She went in looking for a plant that would fill the gap on the back fence.

She entered the nursery and spent the first few minutes looking around. She was sure she would need some help. A young man loitered nearby. She couldn’t tell whether he was staff or a customer. He didn’t seem very interested in the hundreds of plants that filled the shed. Maybe he was just waiting for someone. She kept meandering up and down the rows. Finally, she decided to find someone. The few people wandering about were all customers; she could tell that. As she came out from the end of the row, she spotted the young man again. This time she could see his badge.

“Excuse me,” she started, “I’m sure I’m going to need some help.”

He sighed. “What kind of help,” he said, as though she was pretty dumb to be asking at all.

She looked more closely at his name badge. “Well, with plants. I need to buy a plant and just need some help choosing the right one.”

He shrugged. “What are you looking for?”

Encouraged by the response she said, “It’s something to fill a gap.”

“Gap?”

“Oh! Yes. A gap in the garden.” She looked around, smiling as best she could, she asked, “Is the tall woman with ginger hair around?”

He shook his head, “Not in today.”

“Oh! Pity. She’s a mine of information. OK. What about the girl then?”

“Not in either. Can I help you?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes. OK. I’ll tell you what I have in mind. I need a nice, bushy plant, one with small leaves, preferably blue. It needs to be sturdy because the spot it’s going to is fairly windy. It doesn’t need to be tall, say, a metre tops. It will have to be something that doesn’t need a lot of direct sunlight. It would also be nice if it doesn’t require much water.” She nodded to herself. “It really must be low maintenance,” she finished. She gave him a hopeful smile.

He seemed to go blank for a moment, then said, “Oh! Yes, of course. Let me see. Give me a minute.” With that, he moved through to the back of the nursery and disappeared from sight.

She took the opportunity to have a further look around, while she waited.

After several minutes she began looking at her watch. She wandered around some more. When she looked at the time again she saw it had been fifteen minutes! Fifteen minutes of waiting. It really was too bad. She decided to leave.

On the way out she saw him smoking by the hedge.

The leak was getting worse.

They hadn’t long moved into the house. It was a bit of a fixer-upper, but they were just happy to have a place of their own. His work was in town and hers was to think about how the place could be made more, ‘them’. This was straightforward enough until they discovered that the dripping under the laundry sink was getting louder.

He grimaced, saying, “Look. You find someone, preferably local. After all, you’ll be here to show them the problem.”

She nodded. “OK. I’ll look for someone on line. There must be heaps of plumbers out there. I’ll pick one.”

“Good on you, pet. If you have any problems, give me a call.”

Later that morning she did her research and came up with a couple of phone numbers. She rang the preferred mobile number. A man answered and she gave him an idea of what the problem was. To her delight, he was about to finish a job and go home for lunch. He could be there early afternoon.

She put the phone down with a satisfied look on her face. “Wow! That was easy,” she whispered, mentally patting herself on the back.

As expected, just after one, a van pulled up in the road and a man in a boilersuit carrying a large tool box rang the bell.

She was leading the way down the hall towards the laundry when she realised that the tradesman had stopped. She turned and walked back smiling. The cupboard door was open and he was staring in.

“You like the costumes, I see,” she said.

He stood nodding.

“My husband works for an entertainment supplies agency. Sometimes these costumes come back needing small repairs before going to the cleaners.

He looked awkward. “Reminds me of school,” he said.

She pointed down the hall. “Shall we?”

“Yes, of course, I’m sorry.”

“That’s OK,” she said as they entered the laundry. “Shall I leave you to see what you can do?”

“Sure,” he said, setting down his toolbox.

After a few minutes, he called out. She joined him and listened while he explained the problem. He said it was serious and shouldn’t be left. The problem was it was going to take a couple of hours.

“Oh! Really?”

He wrote into a pad with estimated hours and cost. ”Yes. I’m happy if you want to get other quotes or have me come back when it suits. There’s no call out fee, and I won’t charge you for a quote. It’s up to you.”

She thought for a minute, knowing that she had to shop for food. “I’m happy for you to go ahead. I have to go out for a while this afternoon, but I’m sure I can leave you to it. A couple of hours, you say?”

“About that,” he replied, taking another look under the sink.

“That’s fine then. I’ll let you know when I’m leaving,” she said, and left him to it.

It was only minutes before she had got herself organised for the shops. She stuck her head in, saying, “OK. Shouldn’t be more than an hour.”

He was on his back with his head under the pipes. “Okey dokey,” came the reply, amid a clatter of metal on pipework.

She drove off, mentally figuring out where to shop first. As she pulled into the underground carpark fifteen minutes later, she suddenly realised she had left her carefully set out shopping list at home. Annoyed with herself, she drove out again.

When she arrived at the house she went straight to the laundry to let him know it was only her.

He wasn’t there.

Her eyes widened, as she looked out of the back window’

He was dressed in a full Dalmatian’s costume, shuffling around the back lawn on all fours, barking!

“I sure can pick ‘em…,” she whispered.

She found her shopping list and left, closing the door quietly behind her.

How little we really know,

When a mind gets in a knot.

That goes into a dark place,

Whether induced by drugs or not.

–

Some unseen door in the mind

Has a latch that is swinging free.

Allowing lies to take on beauty,

Finding boredom in sanity.

–

Wanting, wanting; forever wanting.

A future being held at bay.

Becoming demented by default,

No matter what they say.

–

The mind being lost in clouds,

Seeing hope in some open refrain.

A craving for the unattainable,

When only persistent illusions remain.

–

Trying to erase shadows.

Feel the biting not the tasting.

Waiting for the fury to die.

To know the spoiling and the wasting.

–

Preferring psychedelic confusion,

As verity and lunacy ride in tandem,

Becoming a stranger to yourself,

All resolve becoming random.

–

Finding safety in delusion.

Striving to survive frailly.

Wallowing in each disorder.

Suppressing demons daily.

–

Whether left alone unseen,

Whether understood or not.

How little we really know,

When a mind gets in a knot.

She is sitting in silence, in the corner of her darkened room.

She is relaxed with her eyes closed, and she is smiling. She is bright and some may say she is lonely; she is not. She is not alone. She is not alone in this.

She is the receiver of all sights and sounds that Mother Earth opens to her.

She is the falling leaves of autumn, the biting cold of winter, the scented breeze of spring and the burning heat of summer.

She is able to hear laughter coming out of silence, and the music that is heard within the rhythm of the whirling stars.

She is the rain that soaks the land, quenching all below.

She is the river, moving towards the vastness of the oceans. Waiting patiently to immerse itself into the enormity of the beckoning ocean, holding within it the never-ending cycles of birth and decay.

She is the ocean, with its great swelling motion that laps upon so many coasts. She is attuned to both the calm sway of gentle seas and the surf’s roar as it pounds against rocky shores.

She is the towering mountain that reaches up into a never-ending sky.

She is the forest that stands green and firm, yet forever swaying with breezes that carry the symphony of birdsong and the trickling of countless brooks. She is at one with the melody of the life that breathes there.

She is the great void of space that spreads endlessly towards infinity.

She is time; owning every second that has passed, all those to come, and all those that are ever changing and are.

She is shadow, boundless in the silence that steeps into infinitude.

She is the wonderment of a thousand myths long passed.

She is the fire that burns within the souls of all here.

She is all things existing, both in the here and now and beyond, and then beyond all that which is known.

She is.

He considered the view to be truly beautiful.

The trees, the rooves and the church spire. It’s like a painting, and it’s always there. This is his favourite spot. He can just make out the cars that travel beyond the hedgerow in the distance.

He loves watching clouds move with ease across a blue sky. Sometimes the fierce summer heat worries him, but it doesn’t last. Occasionally there are birds. He hates them. They make him feel so, well… inadequate!

Sometimes, boys come into the field, pretending to shoot each other with sticks for rifles.

Other times, people cut through with their dogs. He likes to watch these animals chase around so fast, obviously having a good time, and their owners whistling and calling loudly, but with good humour. He often wants to chase around with them.

He is proud to be wearing the shirt and jacket given to him by the man who owns the land. The hat he wears used to belong to the owner’s son, now long gone to the big city, where he now works in a medical centre providing dental care. He feels sure his father wanted him to stay and work on the farm.

He, of course, doesn’t have a choice.

But he likes to think that what he does is important.

His job is to scare crows.

 

While you were away I made a few changes. I hope you don’t mind.

That little table that you were always fond of is now in the corner of the living room, by the sideboard. It looks good there. Before I moved it, I created more wall space by pushing the settee further into the middle of the wall.

Also, I’ve replaced that old winter forest picture that hung over the television with the one from the spare bedroom. You know the one; I know how much you like it. You said it reminded you of back home, although the cityscape had too many tall buildings in it.

I went into town yesterday and bought a new shade for the ceiling light. It’s bigger than the old one. Oh! Yes. I put a stronger globe in as well. It throws more light across to where our photos sit. I moved those around too. I always liked that one your uncle took of us at the lake. When you and I were dragging the canoe out and you kept laughing about how hopeless I had been with the paddle, and your uncle grabbing his camera and capturing the scene. You laughing and me looking hurt. Now, we both smile when we look at it.

I’ve put it right there in the middle.

All right my love, I’ll tell you more when I visit your grave tomorrow.

He knew it was going to be a mixed bag when he sent out the invitations.

Thoughtful got there early to set up the chairs. Unsuccessful texted to say it couldn’t come. Successful arrived in a limousine. Trustful didn’t bother to lock his car. Healthful came straight from the gymnasium. Reproachful complained about the lack of parking. Disrespectful didn’t wipe his feet on the way in. Grateful wouldn’t stop thanking the host for the invitation. Suspenseful only said he might turn up. Forgetful left her glasses at home. Resourceful got a lift from a friend. Unlawful parked in a no-parking zone.

Distrustful locked his wallet in the car before going in. Helpful mucked in whenever there was the need. Mistrustful was accompanied by his personal taster. Wilful insisted on moving people’s chairs around. Forceful insisted that everyone take a serviette. Unheedful ignored the sign saying that the urn’s water was hot. Tearful kept talking about her recently deceased hamster. Unfaithful brought his mistress. Colourful told lots of jokes and sang foreign songs. Skilful carried four glasses of wine across the room without spilling anything. Guileful was planning to pocket a few fairy cakes. Harmful kept treading on peoples’ toes. Spiteful hurt a woman’s feelings with nasty comments about her dress. Merciful forgave the woman who spilled coffee over his suede shoes.

Resentful didn’t see why she should have to sit near the kitchen. Unhelpful kept removing plates that were not empty. Respectful bowed a lot. Wasteful said he never ate the crusts. Mirthful laughed about everything. Truthful didn’t like the fish paste and said so. Watchful kept looking out of the window. Ungrateful complained that there wasn’t enough food. Slothful kept asking his wife to get him refills. Overcareful refused to have more than half a glass of anything, in case of spills. Shameful was continually blushing, but nobody knew why. Untactful commented on a man’s big ears.

Cheerful had nothing but happy thoughts. Sorrowful had just lost a favourite uncle. Unhopeful said the world would soon end. Stressful was worried about the economy. Beautiful held the attention of the men. Frightful wore black and green makeup. Prideful was at pains to show off his new suit. Fanciful was sure that the host was a warlock. Dreadful thought that personal hygiene was overrated. Blissful was absolutely content with everything. Plentiful had everything he needed. Deceitful lied about his credentials. Scornful had contempt for the government. Hateful didn’t like anything. Peaceful seemed to be in a state of permanent rapture.

Bashful sat quietly in the corner. Vengeful explained how he had poisoned his neighbour’s dog. Blameful kept finding fault. Wistful just stood thinking most of the time. Powerful was reporting on his promotion to Managing Director. Careful was cautious in his conversations. Weariful always felt tired. Regretful hadn’t invested in cryptocurrency when she should have. Disgraceful swore a lot. Unhealthful was grossly overweight. Boastful was forever showing off. Wrathful was angry about life generally. Reposeful fell asleep at the table. Playful wanted to play hopscotch out the back. Wishful wanted everybody to stay all night. Doubtful wasn’t sure whether he should have come at all.

He knew it was going to be a mixed bag when he sent out the invitations.

It’s just as well he was mindful.

Dreams of water gushing from a tap;

Sugar cubes dissolving;

Glasses with a broken lens;

An entrance door revolving.

–

Finger warts and steaming coffee;

Sunlight bursting through the trees;

Ants appearing in a sink;

Smoke from burning leaves.

Sliced strawberries on a plate;

Eggs sizzling in a pan;

A book with a broken spine;

An empty watering can.

–

Loose change in a beggar’s hat;

A broken window pane;

Wrappers in a gutter;

A length of plastic chain.

–

A warm summer wind;

A book’s dog-eared pages;

Overcrowded shops;

Empty parrot cages.

–

Branches falling from a tree;

A door left ajar;

Paper peeling from a wall;

A noisy speeding car.

–

A broken cup and burning toast;

The chirping of a bird;

A feather laying in the grass;

A paint tin fully stirred.

–

A worn broom and a broken toy;

A carpet badly stained;

A rusty bucket and wrapping paper;

A growling dog that’s chained.

–

Just a bible and a carving knife,

But here we look for meaning.

Scattered pieces of our life,

With our sleeping intervening.

They sat together, watching birds pecking at unknown somethings in the grass.

They hadn’t been going out very long, but were comfortable with each other.

Him: So, what’s it saying?

Her: What?

Him: What is it telling the world, I mean?

Her: Eh?

Him: Your rod, with the balls on it.

Her: Oh! (She touches her eyebrow) this?

Him: Sure.

Her: It’s a barbell.

Him: OK. A barbell, but what’s it saying?

Her: It’s not saying anything.

Him: It must be saying something.

Her: (Elbows him) Are you having a go at me?

Him: No! I’m being friendly. (Gives a small smile) Honestly. Just wondered.

Her: Wondered what?

Him: You know.

Her: No. I don’t. What are you wondering.

Him: Like I said. What’s it saying? What do you want it to say? What is it telling the world? You know, about you?

Her: About me?

Him: Of course. Everything about you says something about you.

Her: (Cuddles closer). It does?

Him: Sure. Your clothes. Your hair. Their all giving out signals. Their all saying, ‘Hey! Look at me! This is who I am. This is me.’

Her: You mean, like the way you do your hair or whether you wear lots of bright colours or just grey things.

Him: Exactly! All those things. Hairstyle, makeup, all those things you choose to show the world.

Her: Yes. OK. I get it now.

Him: Right. Well then… what’s it saying?

Her: Dunno.

The businessman was hardly aware of the hat on the pavement.

It may well be the case that he wouldn’t have stopped if his phone hadn’t sent out a merry jingle. He answered it and stood. He seemed to have little interest in what the caller was saying. Hardly aware of the beggar and his old hat, he stood listening and fishing out coins from his pocket. They fell with hardly any sound into a hat that was almost empty. He didn’t seem to see where they landed. He was now telling the person that this item was not his priority; they would have to wait.

The beggar glanced at the hat and wondered what it would be like to tell someone they would have to wait. He looked up at the man. He figured he would have a nice home away from the city. A home and a pretty wife and a car and smartly dressed children and money in the bank and regular holidays…

He suddenly became aware that his benefactor was moving off. He called out his thanks. The city gent just flapped his hand without looking back. His phone had gone off again. This time he didn’t stop. No doubt it was someone of even less importance than the last someone. They’re probably about to get shoved into a holding pattern as well.

The beggar watched him go. He guessed he would be around his own age, give or take a year or two. He was wearing the uniform of a successful city gent. The beggar’s uniform had only ever been army camouflage.

How is it that he didn’t go out there and I did?

Maybe he did.

Then, how is it he wasn’t posted to that hellish town?

Maybe he was.

Why is it that he had to be alongside one of his best mates when the rocket came down?

He didn’t think the man had ever been there.

He didn’t think he had laid awake at night seeing what he had seen, over and over.

He knew he hadn’t come back and been designated unfit for work.

He knew he hadn’t come back to a wife that couldn’t cope or kid’s that couldn’t or wouldn’t understand.

He hadn’t come back to find the solution to it in a bottle.

No. He hadn’t come back to this, with nowhere to sleep.

He hadn’t gone away to any of that, and he hadn’t come back to any of this.

This man in the suit. This man who had just dropped coins so casually into his hat. He could so easily have been this man. He could have been him.

But hey! It’s no good blaming him. It’s the ones you don’t see that are to blame. The warmongers. The powerbrokers. The only ones to truly benefit. They want what the others have got. They don’t share. They just want.

His head shook as he dragged his hat nearer and did a count. Just short. The guy that runs the pub in this part of town was friendly, he’d probably waive the full price.

After that, he’d be up to facing the nightly problem of finding a place to sleep.